This is your life
by LiraWM
Summary: Are you who you wanna be?: KakashiAnko KakaAnko


**Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead**

I woke up lazier than usual, just staring at my ceiling with no care in the world, thinking but not really making deep thought about it. Honestly I don't know why I haven't changed to another apartment yet, this place is cracking down. I Stand up without thinking or wanting, changing my night gowns to my usual jounin ones. Brushing my hair with my right hand and looking straight at my impassive reflection, rubbing my eyes I ignore his challenge and with a yawn I take my keys from the table near the door and walk out of my apartment, heading to well does it matter? In fact does it matter where you go? I wonder why I left home to begin with, wait… home? Again I'm speaking nonsense, that wasn't my home to begin with. Now that I rethink that, where is that place called home? Seriously when is considered that you really are in home and not that you think you are in one or pretend you have one. I need some sake…

**Y****esterday is a promise that you've broken**

Walking to the nearest groceries store, I just hope that no one, that knows me, bothers my way. But is too much to ask, everyone in the village knows my name, my face… well not that literally but at least they identify me without looking straight at me, also my abilities, my hobbies. Well is not that it was a difficult task to figurate out my personal interests. Hell everyone knew that I have some sort of addiction to the Icha icha series, but does anyone know why I like it so much? No! Everyone assumes or pretends they know but does anybody actually knows why I love them so much? Ha! They only think I'm a lonely man that desperately needed company, female company. Great just because I like reading my books in public doesn't mean I'm hopeless. First it not my fault that I have such a busy agenda, with all those missions and chores that I barely have the chance to chose. So when do I suppose to read my books… arg! where is my sake?!

**Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes**

I take two bottles of sake and a loaf of bread, now that I think about it. I seriously need to do some shopping list, seems I'm running out of groceries at home… and again that bloody word. Well I'll do it when I get home, right now the only thing I need is something in the stomach that'll hold my liquor before I pass down like a cheap drunken man who doesn't have anything in the world but a bottle of sake. Ironic… I just described myself in less than 15 words, well like the cheap drunken man I am I'll make honor to my profile and get out of this place before I decide to stab anyone that gets in my way. I fake a little smile, searching for my wallet and giving the exact amount of money to the old cashier woman that deliberately is hinting on me I leave the place with no further wishes of returning in a long time.

**This is your life and today is all you've got now**

You think I'm impolite and selfish, perhaps you're right but you know something, being a shinobi isn't as great as much of my fellows says it is. Some kids that I encounter in the streets they ask me why I joined the cause, to be honest I don't even remember why. Family tradition? Curiosity? All of them seem plausible but not that I'm older and that my mind is going numb, I don't find much sense in those anymore. Some kids go even further and asks me if I'm happy, I'm not sure why they keep on asking me that even if I answer them the correct answer… oh my bad, the real answer they'll just blink in confusion and leave. Hoping if they come back in a couple of days my answer will change to fit their expectations. Normally I just sigh and leave the place, filling his dreams by telling them what they want to hear. But today I'm not in the mood to say more lies, I just hope I don't encounter kids filled with stupid questions, I don't think they'll handle the truth very well.

**Yeah, and today is all you'll ever have**

Finally I'm in my apartment, I place the two bottles of sake and the pastries, the cashier woman gave me, over the table. I just hope they're not poisoned or worse… filled with some crappy love potion so she can have me, well not that I'm worried about it. I know those things don't work, the only thing they're effective on is giving me diarrhea. Yes as you confirmed, this is not the first time I get something for free. I have a collection of those things, most of them are perishable goods but when I got a black armchair for my apartment I thought this was pure madness, obviously I decline the gift but now that I'm sitting on my uncomfortable chair I wonder why I was so stupid back then… ah yeah the whole thing of being mister nice Kakashi to those who pretend they're something close to me when they're not. Now that I mention that does anybody is close to me? I seriously need the sake in my veins now!

**Don't close your eyes, don't close your eyes**

And there goes half of the first bottle of sake of the day in one gulp, and why did I did that? I'll tell you why, just to shut up my cunning mind for pestering me with things I gave up long years ago. Seriously I don't understand why people give up so much of importance to insignificant facts that not only bother you but almost drive you crazy to the point of no return. What I'm speaking about? Well if you have a crappy life like mine you'll understand if not I'm not sure you'll get half of the explanation, as a matter of fact not even a quarter of it so that's why I don't bother to explain the same reasons and stories to anyone that tries to do some research on my true self. And sure the mask doesn't help at all, it only makes me more mysterious and unreachable but guess what? I want it that way, therefore I like it just the way it is.

**This is your life, are you who you want to be****. This is your life, are you who you want to be**

Now this is what I'm talking about, just me and my relaxed body thanks to the magnificent invent of all, the sake. No one to bother me with stupid questions, requests, favors or missions. Just the way I like to spend my free day. You must think way to waste a fine day like this. Yes the sun is out and shining with all its strength, no clouds to hide him or wind to stop someone to go out, well I got news for you… I have dark garments, I'll fry up if I get out. Instead I rather stay in my apartment and drink my cold sake, away from that burning weather, away from questions from meddlers, away of those ladies that keep accusing me with marriage proposals and especially away from all of those who think they know me but they know nothing but my name and my hobbies. Oh yeah, I almost forgot, away from those who point me out with their fingers every time I get out with my Icha Icha in my hand. I should have bought three bottles instead of two.

**This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be**

Now my mind is spinning a little, making me feel out of place and out of season, in fact out of everything. Even tough I have a little mist on my eyes, my apartment looks smaller than it is, seriously why did I rent this crappy place? I have nothing to entertain my mind with and if I don't do something quick it will bother me with stupid questions I don't want to answer now, no never mind I don't want to answer them at all. Because even if I try, it won't be satisfied, it will bother me to the end of times with more questions. So I need to get it occupy with something, but what? If I try to read I'm pretty sure I'll just throw up and then comes the cleaning, so no way. What should I do? Staring at the cracks on the ceiling sounds promising, but once again I already know how it looks like. Now my stomach is complaining, this is what I get for drinking like a fish with no solid in my stomach. Where the hell are the pastries that woman gave me?

**When the world was younger and you had everything to lose**

Well now this is pathetic, I'm staring at the same molding crack in the ceiling I swore I've never look again. Guess old dogs don't learn any new tricks. That reminds me, where is Pakkun? He said something about having a problem with their relatives so unless it was necessary, and when he says that that means really urgent like being nailed by a demon with its trident and your only hope is a 12 inch tall pug that will miraculously have some strange justu to save your life, so now I don't have anyone to talk to or play with. Surprisingly I'm a good poker player when I'm drunk, the other day I won to Kiba's dogs. I don't know… maybe I summoned the wrong dogs when I was trying to reach Pakkun, but I had a hell of a time back then, or I thought I did. Someone's knocking at the door. Hope it for something important or at least he, she or it is a good poker player.

**Y****esterday is a kid in the corner**

My bets were to Asuma or someone under Tsunade's orders but I've never ever thought it would be the violent kunoichi from the chuunins exams. Do I know her? Oh yes I do… more that I wished for back then, but also that was a funny night. Surprisingly she's a good poker player, too bad she's not into sake so I couldn't play strip poker with her. Oh what? You thought I was nice, sweet, gentleman? Icha Icha is much more than a romantic novel for your information. Anyway she just stared at me with something I couldn't tell, not that I'm not capable of deciphering people, actually I'm a specialist on that but how could you blame me? I just drank two bottles of cold sake in less than a half hour and you're expecting me to think straight?! Well now that was also unexpected, well if she didn't like sake before now I'm pretty sure she'll love it. 'Cause she's getting it out of me in her own bizarre way, a really sexy way I must admit.

**Yesterday is dead and over**

This is what I like about this woman, she's determine in getting what she wants and when and how she wants it. No sassy things or silly games such as "We should wait" or "Maybe later" or the worst of all "I'm not ready" you have no idea how pissing is to hear that when you're half the way. But she's different, actually she makes me wonder if I'm good enough for her. She has many different ways of making me reach the heavens with only one of her hands. She doesn't even bother to ask me permission, instead she rips off my clothes and starts attacking me like I was her meal, well I'm more than eager to be in her lips. She pushes me to my bed and almost instantly she jumps into me, messing up with my hair and biting my lips so hard that they almost bleed. Now you understand why the mask is so handy?

**This is your life, are you who you want to be****. This is your life, are you who you want to be**

She is driving me crazy, her hands playing with everything they have at reach. Her lips copying her mischievous hands but adding some wet kisses along my chest. She snickers at the sight of the many scars she made in the past "sessions". The one she's most proud about is the one across my ripped chest, it is cross shaped and is so deep that every time she sees it she turns on again and starts licking it with her long humid tongue, I just wish I had her stamina. That night is when everything started, she was drunk so did I. We talked about how crappy our past are, how we wished everything was different. She asked me if I had something to do, obviously I didn't. But shagging this woman was way farther that I thought, well to be honest my male condition desired this since the moment I met her wearing her fishnets under that coat. I seriously need to get rid of that bloody coat.

**This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be**

I switched positions, I really love she doing all the job but it's been two months since we don't have our special meeting so I'm so desperate to do to her the many things my mind came up with all that time she was gone. She was sent to a village far away from Konoha to help the feudal lord with some business, I had no interest in those business, the only thing that bothered me was that she was supposed to be away from me for more than a week, the usual time for the normal missions. Maybe that was the major reason of me being all grumpy, poor Naruto, the day after she left I almost stab the jumpsuit's lover with a rusty kunai I found on the river. Therefore two months of not getting any of this sure it makes its effects on people, especially people like me that reads that material everyday. I could just do it with another person, but I like to do it with her. Not that I'm loyal or devoted to her, is just that… she does amazing things with her body to mine.

**When the world was younger and you had everything to lose**

The way she says my name makes me desire her more and steal kisses from her, she is addictive. If I could I'll record her voice and hear it on those lonely nights, the lonely nights that not longer exists thanks to her. I think she's also grateful 'cause we not only share animal instincts, we sometimes share thoughts. After doing it and redoing it, we speak to the other. Nothing big, just what it pops in our heads in those moments. We speak of many topics, food, missions, people and some rare times about ourselves. In those occasions we're almost asleep, we have our eyes closed and resting our heads in the other. Breathing the other's essence, embracing the other with weak but firm arms until our minds shut down and travel far away in a shared dream. Sometimes I do wonder if she dreams of me, 'cause I do dream of her.

**Don't close your eyes, Don't close your eyes, Don't close your eyes, Don't close your eyes**

Ok I do care for her, just the enough for her to not leave my side. I don't want her thinking I am an emotional rack like my former student. Well I'm still hurt that brat left the group and the village, but I kinda pity him. Power is good but is nothing if you don't have anyone to share it with. That's why I felt lost, even though everyone admired and envied me, I was alone. No one to notice that I was desperate of love, the same love my father neglected me the same day he thought it was a funny birthday present for me to take off his life and let me witnessed that awful spectacle. That was the first day I met this woman, she didn't pity me, instead she smiled at me and told me that shitty times comes all the time but we are the only ones that decide for how long we want those days to last. A week later, that bastard Orochimaru took her away.

**This is your life are you who you want to be, This is your life are you who you want to be**

There are some things in this world you wish you could change, some others you want to know why happened. But there are some things you don't want to question, because there are no reasons for those things. The exact same things my mind continuously keep on buzzing my head, why do these things have such power to make me hesitate in each step I gave. Every time I try to walk all by myself, the ground seems unsteady and I felt like I'm drowning, almost like the earth swallowing me slowly. At first I shout for help, but no one cared and the ones that did are dead, and finding my efforts useless I surrendered to the non stoppable routine of the vain life of a common citizen. Not further thoughts, no more dreams, just me walking on the streets doing what I was told to, waiting for the last call. Until she got in my life and messed everything she had at hand, including my already messed mind.

**This is your life, are you who you want to be, This is your life, are you who you want to be**

She rests her head over my chest and inhales my scent. She seems uneasy and I ask her what's wrong. She says that is nothing, but I know that is a lie so I push my luck and ask again. This time for my surprise she looks at me, straight in the eye and with a sad smile she confesses me that tomorrow she have to leave for another mission. She tells me she doesn't know for how long and I can feel that she's as disappointed as me for not being around for another day. She caresses my hair and kisses my jaw softly, if the situation wasn't as sad as this I would be gladly happy to return those kisses but my chest weights more than usual and I'm not speaking of her laying on it. I try to focus but somehow I can think of something else but her going away and my mind finally snaps out and shouts the cruelest thing it could come up with. Maybe this time will be for more than a couple of months.

**This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be**

I caressed her hair and face, she looks at me curious and not fearing of hiding her emotions she asks me if I'm ok and for the first time I answered straight forward. I confess that I don't want her to leave, she frowns a bit and with a smile on her lips she tells me that I must not worry, she'll be fine and it would be for a period of time. But even tough she say that, why does my heart still feel uneasy? Sensing this she kisses me on the mouth softly and says that if I'm that worried then we must repeat the session and make it last. With those three last words my mind starts spinning so fast that my head complains. She was kissing my neck when I interrupted with my hands separating her eager lips of my neck. She archers her brows and before she could say something, I ask if there is something I can do to stop leaving my side. She laughs but after seeing my face she stops and with a faint smile she cuddles on my side and whispers her crazy idea to my ear.

**When the world was younger and you had everything to lose**

I agreed with it.

**And you had everything to lose**

-.-.-.-.-.-

**A/N:** Ok I know that Kakashi sounds kinda of OoC but as I was speaking with Prophet, it looks fine for me 'cause he has a dark side that most of us can't see and I can picture him like this. I hope you like my present I did for Kakashi b-day hehehe and as for Anko I'm pretty sure she's fine with it. Well got to go! Homework is calling! . stupid school

_LiraWM_

P.S: Thanks Prophet for encouraging me to publish this.


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